Part 1
Finding a dance partner for your child is not an easy task. You need to consider age, height, skill level, dance style, goals, location, and many other factors. But let's say you're lucky. You've found a partner. The children seem to be a good match, they enjoy dancing together, and their coach sees potential. You might think the hardest part is already behind you. But is it really?
From my own experience, I can say that sometimes it's much easier for children to get along with each other than it is for their parents. And this is where another partnership begins. One that we don't talk about nearly enough.
A Dance Partnership Is More Than Two Children
When we think about a dance couple, we usually imagine two dancers training together, competing, celebrating victories, and dealing with disappointing results. But in youth competitive dancing, there is a family behind each dancer. Parents organize trips, pay for lessons, costumes, training camps, and competitions. They manage schedules, change family plans, and sometimes take days off work so their children can compete at another tournament. And perhaps most importantly, they constantly need to make decisions together.
In reality, when two children become dance partners, their families enter a partnership as well. And how well that relationship works can have a significant impact on the future of the dance couple.
Why Is It Sometimes Harder for Parents to Agree Than for Children?
Children are generally more flexible. They learn, change, and adapt to each other. Of course, they have disagreements too, but they often approach situations differently from adults. With parents, things can be more complicated. By the time we become parents, we've already developed our own life experiences, habits, and beliefs. We have different views on raising children, sports, discipline, money, and what it takes to achieve success. We come from different backgrounds, have different financial situations, personalities, and expectations. And that's perfectly normal.
The problems begin when each side believes that their approach is the only correct one. One family might be ready to dedicate almost every weekend to dancing. Another might want to leave more time for school, rest, or family life. Some parents dream of international competitions, while others have a different vision for the couple's development. None of these positions is necessarily wrong. But if you don't discuss them openly, misunderstandings will eventually appear.
A Shared Plan Can Prevent Many Problems
Let's take a simple example: competitions. Which competitions should we attend? Which ones should we skip? How many tournaments should we plan during the season? Are we ready to travel to other cities or countries? These might seem like ordinary organizational questions.
Sometimes the coach makes these decisions, sometimes the parents do. Ideally, everyone understands the common goal and agrees on what is realistically possible. In my opinion, it's very helpful when both families have at least a general plan for the next six months.
You don't need to schedule every weekend in advance. But you should have an idea of what you're preparing for, which competitions are priorities, how much time you're ready to invest in training, and what results you're working toward. Of course, plans can change. Children get sick, unexpected situations arise, and competition calendars change. But when everyone is moving in the same direction, making decisions becomes much easier.
One of the worst situations is when one family is already planning an international competition while the other family doesn't even know it's being considered. And the problem isn't necessarily that someone is right or wrong. The problem is that there was never a shared plan in the first place.
Money Is Something We Need to Talk About
Probably one of the most sensitive subjects in youth competitive dancing is money. Dancing can be expensive. And the more seriously a couple approaches the sport, the more financial questions arise. Group lessons, private lessons, costumes, shoes, training camps, competitions, travel, hotels, and sometimes the coach's travel expenses. All of these cost money. And there's one simple thing we need to understand: the financial situations of two families are not always the same.
For one family, traveling to an international competition might be a normal part of the season. For another, it could be a major expense that requires careful planning. Does that mean their children cannot dance together? Not at all. But it does mean that parents need to understand and respect each other's financial possibilities.
Perhaps it makes sense to look for a dance partner whose family has a similar budget and expectations. Perhaps the competition calendar needs to be adjusted so that both families can realistically afford it. And sometimes, if one family is willing and able, a possible solution could even be some financial support for the other family.
I'm not saying that anyone is obligated to pay someone else's expenses. Absolutely not. Any such arrangement should be completely voluntary and comfortable for both sides. But I do believe that different financial circumstances shouldn't automatically become a reason for conflict or the end of a promising dance partnership.
What matters is being honest about what you can afford, avoiding unrealistic expectations, and not putting the other family in an uncomfortable position.
Respect Matters More Than Social Status
This brings me to what I consider the most important point in this entire discussion. Regardless of financial situation, social status, or personal achievements, parents should treat each other with respect. You can have different opinions. You can disagree about competitions, training schedules, coaches, or expenses. That's completely normal. You don't have to become best friends. You don't need to spend your free time together or share the same views on life. But you do need to listen to each other.
If you disagree with a decision, explain why. Share your arguments. Try to convince the other side. And at the same time, be willing to listen to their point of view. Compromise doesn't mean you always have to give in. Sometimes your idea really might be the better one. But instead of simply insisting on it, explain why you believe it would benefit the dance couple.
Things become especially difficult when one side starts acting superior. When someone believes their opinion matters more simply because they have more money, better connections, or more experience in dancing. I find it difficult to imagine a healthy partnership growing out of that kind of attitude.
Don't Forget That Children See Everything
There's another thing adults sometimes forget. Our children notice much more than we think. They see how we speak to their dance partner's parents. They hear our comments after training sessions and competitions. They notice how we react to disagreements, different opinions, or disappointing results. And all of this can affect the relationship between the dancers themselves.
Imagine two children who get along perfectly well but constantly hear negative comments about the other family at home. How long can they really stay out of that conflict?
We want our children to learn teamwork, support their partners, respect each other, and overcome difficulties together. But can we really expect them to do that if we don't set the same example ourselves? I believe parents need to start with their own behavior.
Whose Ambitions Are We Really Following?
Almost every parent wants their child to succeed. And there's nothing wrong with that. We invest time, money, energy, and emotions into our children's dancing. We celebrate their victories, feel disappointed after difficult competitions, and get nervous before they step onto the dance floor. But sometimes it's worth asking ourselves a simple question.
Are we making this decision for the development of the dance couple, or are we trying to satisfy our own ambitions? It's not always easy to tell the difference. Maybe we want to attend a prestigious competition even though the couple isn't ready yet. Maybe we insist on a particular decision simply because we don't want to give in to the other family.
But a dance partnership is not a competition between two families. It's a shared effort to help our children grow. And if we genuinely want them to achieve sporting success, sometimes we need to put our egos aside and think about what's best for both dancers.
Two Families, One Team
I don't believe perfect dance partnerships exist. Every couple will face difficult moments. There will be disagreements, financial questions, changing plans, disappointing competitions, and situations where compromises are necessary. And that's normal. What matters isn't whether disagreements happen, but how you deal with them.
I believe that before starting a serious dance partnership, parents should talk about more than just their children's skill levels, heights, or dance goals. They should discuss expectations, future plans, financial possibilities, and how they intend to make decisions together.
Because finding a good dance partner is only part of the challenge. You also need to build a relationship between the families that allows the couple to grow. And perhaps that requires even more effort from the adults than from the children themselves.
Questions to Discuss Before Committing
Before starting a serious dance partnership, it can help for both families to discuss a few practical questions openly:
- How often will the dancers train, and what lesson schedule is realistic for both families?
- Which competitions are priorities for the couple?
- What travel and accommodation budget can each family realistically manage?
- How will costume, private lesson, training camp, and coaching costs be handled?
- Who makes final decisions when the families disagree?
- How will disagreements be discussed and resolved respectfully?
- What will happen if the partnership ends or one dancer decides to stop?
These conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, but they can prevent misunderstandings later. The goal is not to predict every possible problem. It is to make sure both families understand the expectations and feel able to speak honestly before the partnership becomes more serious.
You don't have to become best friends with your child's dance partner's parents. But you do need to learn how to be one team.
If you're currently looking for a ballroom or Latin dance partner for your child, you can explore dance partner profiles on DanceNetwork. Finding someone who matches your child's age, height, level, and goals is an important first step. But as I've tried to explain here, a successful partnership involves much more than what you see in a dancer's profile.
Everything I've shared here comes from my personal experience as a dance parent. From mistakes I've made, lessons I've learned the hard way, and a few bumps and bruises along the road. These aren't rules that everyone needs to follow, and I'm certainly not trying to lecture anyone. This is simply my perspective, shaped by real situations that I believe deserve to be discussed more often.
This is Part 1 of my thoughts on the role of parents in youth dance partnerships. More to come.